Run Naked

The writing was on the proverbial wall and in the actual habit tracker.  I knew there were things that I had to do daily: call them the preflight, call them daily maintenance, call them whatever ever, but I needed to do them to keep centered.  I enjoy the activities, but to be honest, ego had fighting me lately to stay in bed.

You know the voice that says you deserve a “few” more minutes.  That voice that tells you when the start of your “deserve” is, but conveniently not when you cross the line of moderation into excess.  It had gotten louder the more I skipped in the morning.  “I was tired; I’ve been one parent ops for 9 weeks now,” I’d tell myself.  “Rest is the foundation of all that is good, so I need to get it.”  Of course, that wasn’t the mantra I was signing when I was up late at night.

I had been pretty consistent for a couple of months; I’d be fine skipping my morning meditation, and I’d be fine not jumping right onto the yoga mat.  No biggie if I got a little behind in school.  

Have you ever kept the kitchen counter clean of dishes for a good stretch of time?  It felt good didn’t it?, Inevitably one night, that sole cup was left out.  By the time the kids are done with breakfast the next morning, that cup has multiplied and had babies of various sizes.  Man, do these kids even think to look in the dishwasher, or do they assume?  It happens to all of us, the daily maintenance doesn’t get done, and then it starts collecting other crap you’ve successfully mitigated for so long.  We’re human, we don’t run all the time, and we sure the hell don’t run perfectly.  

So in my life, that damn dish multiplied.  It was the kids’ schooling getting a little behind.  It was chores not getting done to the fullest after dinner.  I had more kiddo lint around the house than I had remembered in the last 2 months.  I stepped away from my to-do list, went by memory and now I was forgetting things.  Mornings were rushed no matter how I tried to “fix” it.  Then something happened that I knew was going to happen: I failed a car inspection for worn tires.  It wasn’t the end of the world, but internally, you’d think otherwise.

My mind was racing about the scolding that I’d get for letting this one slip past me.  I had the argument with my wife in my head in 20 different ways.  My chest was tightening, and it was hard to breathe.  I told myself that freedom is between the feeling and your actions, but it didn’t work.  Dear higher power, please take my anxieties away, but it didn’t work.  Damn it; I was trying to control and get rid of the feeling; thanks, ego!  I should be working with it and experiencing it; how the hell do I do that?  My mind was now its own hurricane, fueled bigger by the heat of my own worries.  

My brief 43 years on earth have had the universe teach me that there are no gimmicks, no new crazy life hacks, and no life-changing app that will bring me back to the center.  Nope, it taught me this:

    Meditate, write, and run like hell!  

I’d been good at writing, not bad at meditating, but running hadn’t happened in months.  It’s amazing what happens when you can internally shut up for just a few moments; you can hear what you should be doing. It’s only a whisper, so I listen up.  I laced my shoes up, wasn’t feeling socks and it was time to run naked!

You’ll most likely be very disappointed or relieved when I tell you it isn’t what you think.  For the runners out there whose social media algorithm is similar to mine, you’ll already know. It isn’t “suns out buns out”, it’s leaving the headphones, the phone, the speaker, the watch at home.  You go out with just yourself, the surroundings, and your thoughts.  I’d also suggest an ID and some cash just in case you’re not in reality for a few too many miles….and need a snack.    
There will be no book or podcast to get lost in as you truck along.  No, watch to say, “You’re doing awesome; keep it up!!”.  No notifications that will trigger a life or death response to whatever news decides to come across whatever screen or screens you’re carrying.  Nope, you have to deal with your thoughts and you have to actually be part of your surroundings.  

For me running does a couple of good things right off the back.  That tightness in my chest is gone.  My body wins over my mind on that one; air is more important than worries, and dude, I need more now.  Exercise helps burn that stress hormone cortisol; yeah, that’s a bonus.  And if you’re running trails like me, there will be that one rock, root, branch, or thorny twig that will knock your butt right back into reality.  That lost in thought abruptly, and sometimes painfully, ends.  It’s not a one-and-done; it will happen a few more times before you wise up.  And if you get really lost in thought, then you’ll also end up a lot further out than you realize; enjoy the bonus workout.  

Then the magic starts, I start to notice my surroundings.  The feel of the air, the sounds of life, the smells, and the scenery.  I started getting my curiosity back, always a good sign. I wondered where that path that just caught my eye goes.  I surrendered to my curiosity, and it was just what the doctor ordered.  On the new trail, I’m taking in all the new sights; I’m feeling the slight incline followed by a quick descent. Man the woodpeckers are back or I can smell that someone was cutting down some logs.  It all brings me back into the world.  Of course I started thinking about the crap again but this time it didn’t seem as bad.  My knees told me I was about 3 miles in, and I was now enjoying life again.

Once I hit my street, I took my shoes off and walked barefoot to my house.  The cool blocks felt amazing on my feet.  I made way inside and saw my “just 20 minutes kiddos” turned out to be a 50 minute run.  I wasn’t rushed though.  My son fired up the pizza oven and we made pizzas for the rest of the kids.  All the while just laughing and enjoying music.  No planning, no fretting, just living.  

We all have those things that we need to do daily to keep ourselves centered.  We have to physically, mentally, and spiritually grow every day, or close to it.  We thrive when we do, and we don’t realize how much its absence is affecting us until that one dish starts collecting others.  

You don’t have to do it every day, but every once in a while, go run naked; it’s like a deep cleaning for your mind, body, and soul!